What Is With People...

...and guns?

I am sitting here right now, doing laundry after having had another bad day in a series of bad days when I get a text from a friend. I read it and find out that, apparently, there has been a shooting in my dormitory. Now, I live on the south side of the building and the shooting occurred on the north side. And the building is fairly large, so it is no wonder that I was unaware of it. But still...

The thing is, though, that I go to Northern Illinois University. Now, I didn't want to originally announce this on my blog, but that is apparently not going to happen. Some of you might recognize the name of my school and some of you might not. Let me explain.

Two years ago, on February 14, 2008, at around 3pm, a young man walked in through the back doors of a classroom. Once inside, he took a gun and starting shooting people. Five people died and many more were injured, at least two of which I knew personally who lived on my floor. And then the gunman took his own life.

That was two years and one week ago. Last weekend, I went to the memorial service for those five students who died, lining the sidewalks with my fellow NIU students, faculty and others, in order to give the families a sense of camaraderie as they headed to see the memorial built for them near Cole Hall, where the shooting took place. I was overwhelmed with grief, despite the fact that I knew none of the victims. It was a very intense day and I don't think that I will ever forget it.

Two years and one week later, I am still trying to cope with the fact that this occurred. I have never spoken to anyone about my feelings on the topic, not even with my boyfriend of three and a half years, and how much it has affected me. I go through random bouts of sadness and stress, thinking about what occurred. There are many reasons for why it freaks me out so badly, but among the top two are these:

1) When the shooting occurred, I was in DuSable/Reavis. This is the building next door to Cole Hall.

2) Had the shooter chosen the day previously, I would have been in that classroom, sitting in the exact spot that he concentrated most of his fire.

Some of you reading this might be thinking "Oh, what a drama queen, trying to get sympathy for this!". To those people, I have two things to say:

1) Fuck you.

2) Put yourself in my shoes. If you knew that, had it been a day earlier, you could have been killed, wouldn't you be freaked out? If he had chosen DuSable/Reavis instead of Cole?

And now, tonight. Tonight, one week after the two year anniversary of the February 14th shooting at Northern Illinois University, I receive a text from a friend of mine telling me that there's been a shooting in my own dorm.

Am I stressed out? Yes. Yes, I am.